Small Fry Syndrome.

I absolutely adore my blog, to the point that I refuse to write anything on it that is not obviously saturated in my sarcasm and unprofessional professionalism. I love writing, so why I often neglect this blog is a question I ponder frequently. I don't want to beleaguer my readers with too much of my sappy or personal feelings. But I guess I'll have to overcome that petty qualm and spill the beans on why I really haven't been writing. I have a case of small fry syndrome.

I simply don't feel like I make a splash in the sea of journalism. I don't feel like the writing is on par with other people in my field. I intern at a cool ass D.C. newspaper and can't seem to muster up the creativity to pitch a cool ass story idea. I am taking a journalism class I dropped halfway through last semester in which I'm frequently expected to phone police officers, politicians, and other scary people. My professor is a journalist at a big publication chain, and seems to take joy in berating us bright and early at 8 A.M. every Monday and Wednesday. On top of all of this, I have two jobs. A few hours a week, I'm at Up Against the Wall making minimum wage plus 0.00000001% commission (but I don't mind because I adore most of my coworkers and especially my boss). About 25 hours of my week is spent at the customer service area of Best Buy, returning people's broken cameras and shit-stained laptops. The job isn't that bad, actually.

I'm just pooped.

This summer was pretty inspirational for me academically; I took two classes and got A's in both. An A in a college course for me is like a Nessie sighting. So, I'm really struggling to keep up that excellence this semester. I'm taking less classes (and therefore will graduate 50 years later than expected) and actually attempting to study and put 100% towards my work. Of course, I have my days where I opt for a nap over reading 3 chapters of my professor's textbook on Philadelphia's sexual revolution.

Anyway, I kinda got off track. I feel like a small fry. No matter how much I do, or how successful my friends think I am at this point in my young life, I feel inadequate. I think it's unavoidable. There are some days when I feel super proud of myself, but for the most part, I feel I need to be doing more. I also need to do more thing that I love, that make me happy (i.e. writing on this blog). There just don't seem to be enough hours in the day, or enough juice in the creative nook of my brain to keep me going. I drink at least one Red Bull and one 5 Hour Energy drink per day, by the way. I also haven't seen my parents for more than 20 minutes at a time since school started.

I think that's enough of a rant for now. I am going to dedicate myself to nurturing this blog, even if it kills me (hyperbole to the max).