Real Chance of Smut.

Reality television may be virtual cotton candy and Baconators for the brain, the pinnacle of mind-rotting entertainment of today's day and age, but nothing compares to reality dating shows - in terms of ridiculousness, trashiness, and (contradictorily) UNrealistic behavior. But the big question is: which is the most ridiculous, the most trashy, the most DEMEANING? Here are the top three contenders:

(Disclaimer: I am well aware that 97% of these shows are staged and/or fictitious.)

Real Chance of Love

This shit personifies the all-purpose axiom "Bros Before Hoes." The first episode is definitely the most demeaning, the one in which all the skanks scramble to be chosen by the brother of their choice - or their second choice if need be. Chance is disrespectful enough on his own, as if the weird ass challenges don't make it bad enough. There is literally no limit to the girls' sexploitation of themselves on this show. They even got tattoos. And Chance didn't even pick anyone. Ha.

Paris Hilton's My New BFF

Although this technically isn't a dating show, the contestants suck Paris' dick enough for it to be considered one. They all "love" her, and make it well-known. When does admiration of a celebrity transcend into the love embodied in an honest friendship? What did they admire about her in the first place, that compelled them to take off months from work to compete for her frail, no-assed BFFship? Was it her limp fish sex tape? Her drab, monotone, "That's Hot" voice? She calls her potential BFFs "pets," does no one find anything wrong about that? How about the way she sits at an awkward distance during eliminations, with a tiara on her peanut head? It screams "I'm better than you, I just need someone to give me pedicures and make me peanut butter crackers." Paris passes judgment on every single one of these girls (and gays), nit-picking through a crop of desperate losers to weed out her optimal new BFF. Nicole Ritchie was the only bitch Paris was really meant to be with. Too bad Nicole has babies galore to worry about now.

Flavor Of Love 1, 2, and 3/I Love New York 1 and 2

The things these motherfuckers endured for a chance to be with some of God's ugliest designs. Tsk. Tsk. Every kiss on any of these five shows killed me slowly. And painfully.